


Beyond All Reason

by Quarantinevibes



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caring Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Caring Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Fainting, Gen, Guilt, Hurt Logic | Logan Sanders, Hurt Morality | Patton Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, delirious Logan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:48:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24093103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quarantinevibes/pseuds/Quarantinevibes
Summary: While Patton is the source of many feelings, mostly happy, sometimes sad, and whole slew of others, he almost never, never is one thing:Mad.-OR-Logan goes too far and Patton snaps. When the fog of anger clears up, he’s left with an unconscious Logan, confused sides, and a whole lot of guilt. Will he be able to pick up the pieces and put Logan, and himself, back together?Completed!
Comments: 299
Kudos: 499





	1. Anger

“This is getting ridiculous,” Logan muttered under his breath and side-stepped another empty pizza box. He stared at the lump that was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch and resisted the urge to shout about the obvious disarray that the living room was in, to quote the several articles that stated how a messy room can ruin focus and lead to decreases in mood and immune health. Instead, he tossed the empty box in the trash and called out to the lump.

“Thomas,” he said, since that was, incidentally, the lump’s name.

“Mmmmf,” replied the lump and Logan rolled his eyes. He walked over and pulled off the blanket enough to see Thomas’s face. Thomas tried to grab it back and pull it over again, but Logan was quicker and snatched the edge of the blanket out of the way.

Now that he could see Thomas’s face, he felt a small knot of sympathy coil in his gut. Thomas’s eyes were swollen and red, his hair stuck up in all directions with some spikes defying gravity by the means of grease, and there was a small chocolate ice cream stain smudged near his lower lip.

“Thomas,” Logan repeated more gently, “I understand that you’re upset, but it’s been three days. I know you were excited about asking him out, but the reality is that he said no.”

Thomas whimpered and buried his face in the couch cushion. Logan grabbed the remote switch and turned off the TV, which was auto playing Parks and Rec for maybe the 600th time. With no TV, the room became uncomfortably silent and Thomas eventually grunted and sat up. He reached for the remote lazily, but gave up half way and let his hands fall to his lap. Logan put a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s ok to take a mental health day. It’s ok to feel bad, but Thomas you can’t keep skipping work. You need the income to eat, to stay healthy. You need to sleep at,” he glanced at the clock and held in a wince, “a reasonable hour. In your bed, not on the couch,”

Thomas swallowed and finally spoke up.

“I know Logan,” he said, his voice creaking, “I know, but I can’t. I don’t know why, I just, I’m so, I feel-” he took in a sharp breath.

And there was that word. _Feel._ Logan had feelings, of course he did, but maybe because of who he was, his function, he could always see past his feelings. He could always push them down and see objectively. He didn’t put himself in situations where he often felt strong feelings so when it came to discussing them he was, in a word, uncomfortable.

“-bad.” Thomas finished.

Logan wanted to say he understood, but he didn’t and he hated things he didn’t understand. How can something so intangible cause someone to stop doing things that were basic for their physical and mental health? It baffled him. Usually, he couldn’t do anything about it, but this time-

He looked at Thomas’s disheveled state. His half-eaten carton of ice cream with a bent spoon sticking out of it, his curled up position, the bags under his eyes.

Logan stood up with conviction and fixed Thomas with a stare.

“I know, Thomas. And I know exactly how to fix it.”

Logan sunk out of the real world and into the mindscape, practically vibrating. The clock read 5 AM which meant that the side that he wanted to see wouldn’t be up for maybe another two hours. Logan wanted to knock down their door and drag them into the kitchen, but he took a deep breath and paced around instead. He did a few laps around the kitchen table, put on a pot for coffee, decided that he didn’t really want coffee, paced a little more, and made himself some coffee anyways because black coffee was supposedly good for one’s health, albeit a bit controversial.

He was so consumed in his pacing and his internal coffee debate that he didn’t even notice when the very side he was waiting for shuffled into the kitchen.

“Morning kiddo!”

Logan jumped and turned. He had spent the past two hours rehearsing what he would say when he saw Patton, but when he finally appeared, all his rehearsal flew out of his head.

“You,” Logan said and Patton looked behind himself and back at Logan.

“Ah-yep. It’s me! Ooh, did you make coffee?” he asked and walked over to the pot on the counter. Logan shook himself out of his surprised daze and walked over to Patton.

“Patton. We need to talk,” he said and Patton turned and raised an eyebrow at him while gesturing for him to continue.

“You. You need to stop,” Logan said and Patton only looked more confused. He backed away from the coffee pot.

“Well gee, Lo, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to try and take your coffee, I thought it was extra,” Patton set his mug down on the counter and filled it with orange juice instead.

Logan blinked, “What? No, no that’s not,” he groaned and pushed his glasses up his nose, “With Thomas. You need to stop with Thomas.”

Patton flinched, “I don’t know what you’re-“

“You know exactly what I’m talking about!” Logan said, raising his voice just a bit, “Patton, Thomas needs to go back to work and you’re making it almost impossible for him to do so. He just mopes around ordering pizza and finding new ways to switch off the lights without leaving the couch!”

“I-” Patton started and rubbed his eyes, “You need to let people be sad if they’re sad, kiddo.”

“I understand that,” Logan said and he did. He knew that just because other people felt emotions more didn’t mean those emotions were less valid, but-

“But this is simply too much Patton.”

“It, Logan,” Patton sighed, but Logan kept going.

“He wasn’t even dating him, Patton, he just asked him out! And sure it didn’t work out in Thomas’s favor, but this is an overreaction!”

Patton’s eyes shone, “But, but he and Thomas were getting along so well, I was so sure that he felt the same!”

“You were wrong. It’s not an uncommon occurrence,” Logan said and Patton flinched.

“He was perfect,” Patton whispered and Logan held back an eye roll.

“ _Nobody_ is perfect, Patton. Even you know that.”

“He was in love with him!”

This time, Logan did not hold back his eye roll, “That’s impossible. They’d only met around two months ago, Patton.”

“They were perfect for each other!”

“I told you, that’s unreasonable.”

“Love doesn’t _need_ a reason!”

“Well then maybe _love_ is stupid!” Logan yelled.

The kitchen fell startlingly quiet. Patton had stepped back as if slapped and Logan instantly regretted what he said.

“What did you say?” Patton asked and Logan flinched at how eerily steady his voice was.

“I. I didn’t mean-”

“Love is stupid?”

Logan paled. “No, I, really I-”

But Patton walked forward and Logan backed away.

“Thomas loves his family, does that make them stupid?”

Logan’s foot hit the refrigerator behind him.

“Thomas loves his friends, does that make them _stupid?”_

Patton jabbed a finger into Logan’s chest, “I’m Thomas’s heart, guess that makes me stupid too, huh?”

Logan tried to shake his head, but he was stuck to the spot. He knew he was filled with some kind of emotion, but he couldn’t quite place it. Patton was shaking his head.

“Now, you may be right about that last one, but his family? His FRIENDS? HIM?” Patton was still shaking his head and his originally quiet voice was gaining volume, “No. _No._ You have no right. **You have no _right_ to talk about how Thomas feels**.”

Patton’s voice had taken on a resonant tone and was booming around the kitchen. It bounced off of every surface and Logan was almost sure that it was echoing into his brain. Patton was breathing heavily, his finger still burning a figurative hole in Logan’s chest.

“ **Feelings are not something to avoid, Logan. I know you have them, we all do. You just don’t know how intense they can be.”**

Patton flattened his hand into a palm on Logan’s chest and locked eyes with him. Logan trembled at the foreign emotion in Patton’s eyes.

“ **Now is a good time to learn.”**


	2. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan's POV
> 
> Notes: fainting, spiraling thoughts, pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this fic started as a way for me to write more delirious Logan, and it turned out WAY angstier than originally intended ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> oh well, hope you enjoy the chapter!

Logan clutched at his chest. He was shaking so much that he was practically vibrating as what felt like a tidal wave slammed through his head.

_You talk too much._

_You have a temperament._

_Suddenly you’re sensitive?_

The replayed memories weren’t new. Logan had heard them in his head before, versions of what the other sides had told him. Normally, he’d acknowledge what they were saying, they were merely critiques or comments on his behavior.

But now? Each new thought came laced with ice, something cold and heavy that dragged down his heart and ripped through his head. The memories turned into something more sinister.

_You’re too much._

_Not worth it._

_You’re a joke._

Logan gasped and clutched at his chest. Patton had backed away, but Logan couldn’t see his face because Logan had, somehow without himself noticing, slid to his knees.

_Just SHUT UP._

_Just get to the point already._

_Skip._

Logan looked up and desperately tried to wheeze out a sound.

_They just tolerate you._

_They only use you._

_You’re annoying._

“I” Logan finally managed to say and he grabbed at his hair, “St-stop.”

His vision was blurring and he could taste something salty at his lips.

 _Tears are salty because they have a salinity similar to that of blood plasma_ he thought and tried desperately to hold onto the one logical thought that had crossed his mind, but-

_WHO CARES?_

_No one is ever going to listen to that boring dribble._

_You’re boring._

_Stupid._

_Annoying._

The tears were streaming down his face now and his glasses cluttered to the floor in his attempt to wipe his face. It hurt. _Physically_. The thoughts were screaming in his head and his chest hurt it _hurt_.

“Patton,” Logan tried again, “Patton, _please_.”

It was too much, too much at once. Logan tried to dig his nails into his palms to ground himself, he tried to self-coach himself through the breathing exercises he had told Virgil and Thomas about, but there was too much _noise_. Distantly, he heard a crash.

“Hurts,” he whimpered, this time more to himself. His vision was tunneling. He felt himself being shaken, but his vision was gone. For a few horrifying moments, he was conscious, but completely blind and could only hear a high-pitched ringing in his ears.

“Hurts,” he whispered again and blacked out.


	3. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellllloooo lovely readers!  
> Thank you so much for reading! Seeing your excited comments makes me super excited for the rest of the story 🤩!
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter :)

Virgil was in Roman’s room when he heard the yelling.

Roman had called Virgil in around 6 AM. He knew that Virgil wasn’t asleep (though how he knew was beyond Virgil) and had sheepishly asked if he could come over. The past few days hadn’t been kind to the rejected Prince, but Virgil didn’t mind coaxing him through his anxious thoughts. Heck, it was a nice break from his own.

Of course, Virgil was upset about not getting the date either, but he had already convinced himself that it wouldn’t go well anyways so really he wasn’t surprised.

“I should have done more,” Roman sighed and clutched at his bed side. Virgil had heard him mutter the same thing over and over to himself and Virgil shook his head. He eased Roman’s hands out of the death grip he was giving the blanket.

“It’s not always up to you, Roman. He said no because of his _own_ reasons, reasons that I’m sure you don’t even factor into. There are going to be other people.”

“But he was like a prince!” Roman exclaimed and flopped back onto the bed and Virgil snorted.

“Trust me, princes aren’t that great,” he chuckled and tossed a pillow at Roman’s head when he pouted.

“Rude,” Roman said, easily catching the pillow and setting it down.

“Yeah, it’s kinda my thing,” Virgil replied cheekily and Roman held his pout for a moment longer before smiling and sighing softly. He looked distant and Virgil felt his heart tug a little at the sad expression. He threw another pillow at Roman’s face. “C’mon, let’s get something to-”

Virgil stopped and squinted. Distantly, he could make out arguing that was coming from downstairs. Not that he wasn’t used to arguing in the mornings, but it was usually him and Roman or Roman and Logan doing the arguing. The common factor, Roman, was here. So who-

Suddenly, both Roman and Virgil had their hands clasped at their ears.

 **“You have no _right_ to talk about how Thomas feels**,” a voice boomed and Virgil had to squeeze his eyes shut at the sheer force of it.

Virgil looked at Roman who was blinking tears out of his eyes, “Who-?”

The voice boomed again and Roman bolted to the door. Virgil stayed stuck to the bed, debating between his fear and his curiosity.

One gesture from Roman and Virgil got up and rushed down the stairs with him. Roman stopped short in front of him and Virgil was sent reeling backwards, he crashed into the counter and a mug with orange juice toppled and shattered onto the tile floor.

Roman whirled back and quickly helped Virgil to his feet and Virgil-

Virgil did not know where he was.

Yes, he recognized the kitchen. He recognized the living room behind him. He recognized the tables and the chairs and the sink.

What he didn’t recognize was that, in front of him, was Logan, huddled against the fridge and shaking, and Patton. Except that couldn’t be Patton. Patton never wore the expression that the Patton in the kitchen was wearing. Patton would never tower over Logan while Logan obviously had something wrong going on. Virgil was rooted to the spot, what was happening?

“Hurts,” Logan whimpered and that snapped Virgil, and Roman apparently, out of their shock.

“Logan!” Virgil cried and ran over to him. Logan didn’t appear to be able to see him and Virgil shook him a bit to get his attention. He glanced over his shoulder to see Roman putting his hands on Patton’s shoulders and guiding him to a chair.

“Hurts,” Logan said again and slumped onto Virgil.

“What, what hurts? Logan?” Virgil tried to shake him again, but Logan had completely passed out, “Logan! Wake-Logan!” Virgil could feel his breathing hitch and he willed himself to take a deep breath. In and out. Just like Logan taught him.

Virgil looked back again to see a pale Roman and an even paler Patton looking in his direction. Virgil tried to lift Logan, but it proved to be too difficult of a task. Virgil took another deep breath to steady himself.

“Roman,” he said, pleased that his voice came out stronger than he felt, “can you get him to the couch? I can’t lift him.”

On any other day, Roman would have indulged in the fact that Virgil just admitted that he was stronger, but Roman only gave him a curt nod and gently lifted Logan, as if he were made of paper, and carried him out to the living room. Virgil returned his gaze to Patton and slowly made his way towards him. The…expression, whatever it was that had Virgil convinced that it wasn’t Patton, was gone and Patton, _his_ Patton, was blinking blankly at the shattered glass that littered the floor. He then stood up abruptly and made for the broom that was handing behind the fridge. Virgil reached out and gently pushed him back down.

“The glass,” Patton said weakly and Virgil shook his head.

“We can clean it up later, pop star,” he said, hoping that the nickname would get Patton’s attention, but Patton only tried to get up again and Virgil sighed. He set him back into the chair and took out the broom, making quick work of the broken glass. He gathered it in a small pile and swept it into a dust pan. After throwing the glass out, he grabbed a dish towel and quietly mopped up the remaining OJ that had spilt on the floor.

“The glass is broken,” Patton said numbly and Virgil nodded.

“Yeah, but it’s ok. I cleaned it up, no need to worry.”

Patton didn’t seem to hear him.

“The glass is broken, I broke it.”

Virgil put a hand on his shoulder, “No, I broke it and it’s ok. I break things all the time and heck Roman shattered a lamp the other day, he-”

“I broke it,” Patton interrupted and put a hand to his mouth, “I broke it, I broke it, I broke him. Oh my god what did I do, what did I _do_? I didn’t, I never, I broke-”

Virgil put both his hands on Patton’s shoulders, “You didn’t break anything, Patton,” he said suddenly feeling like he stepped into an alternate universe. How many times had Patton been the one to calm down Virgil?

Patton let out a choked sob and reeled back, as if he himself was not expecting the sound. It broke Virgil’s heart, but also gave him some measure of relief. If Patton was crying, at least he was breathing. Patton put his head in his hands and took a few heaving breaths and Virgil counted to twenty before trying to make eye contact again. Patton held his gaze and Virgil asked the question that had been burning in his mind.

“What happened?”


	4. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another double update? It's more likely than you'd think!

“What happened?”

Patton blinked at Virgil. What _had_ happened? One minute, Logan was berating him about feeling down and the next he was huddled next to the fridge.

“Pat?” Virgil asked again, his eyes earnest and gentle. Strangely, the expression made Patton’s stomach turn. He shut his eyes and tried to piece together the fragments of the most recent events.

Logan was yelling. Patton was sad. Logan said something and then Patton got…mad.

Oh no.

The memories flooded into Patton’s head. He was angry, _so_ angry. Logan had said that love was stupid which invalidated everything that Patton stood for. He yelled back at Logan and for _once_ Logan didn’t say anything back.

_And it felt kind of good._

Patton shook his head in horror. Where had that thought came from? He looked up at Virgil who still had that infuriatingly kind expression on his face. Patton wanted to scream at him, to tell him that he didn’t deserve it, but he just let out a sigh.

“I didn’t mean to,” he said and it was true. He didn’t. Virgil held his gaze and prodded him to continue, “I-, Logan and I were arguing about the, ah,” he squeezed his eyes and willed the tears not to fall, “failed date. He said something and I got mad,” his voice went quiet, “real mad.”

Virgil cocked his head at Patton’s guilty expression. “Well, that’s ok. I get mad all the time and we all know Logan is practically known for losing his temper. It’s not a big-”

“It’s not the same!” Patton interrupted with a shout.

Virgil didn’t narrow his eyes at his yelling or get up and leave. He only patiently, frustratingly, waited for Patton to continue.

“It’s not the same. For me. I’m the source of Thomas’s emotions, any emotion I feel is _amplified_. And my anger made me do something I…I really shouldn’t have done,” he said and a few tears slipped out despite his best efforts.

“Which was?” Virgil asked, not unkindly and Patton wanted to sink into his room and never come out.

“It-Logan has emotions, right?” he asked and Virgil nodded, “But he doesn’t feel them quite as…intensely as we may. It may be his personality or it may be because this allows him to be more objective and function as Thomas’s logic. I got,” Patton rubbed his face and pushed his hair back, “I got so _frustrated_ with him. He talked as if emotions were secondary, as if they were something that held Thomas back so I…I tried to prove him wrong. I amplified his emotions.”

Virgil blinked. “Oh,” he said and then shook his head a bit, “I. I can’t say that I completely understand, Patton, but what I do know is that it’s ok to get mad sometimes. Heck, it’s almost impossible not to with us,” he said with a small smile and Patton wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere.

It wasn’t ok. Not for him. Not when it made him do what he just did.

“And we’ll find a way to fix Logan, we just need to-”

But Virgil was cut off by a loud sob from the living room. His eyebrows shot up and he started towards the door. Patton didn’t follow him and Virgil looked back before exiting.

“C’mon, Patton. He needs you,” Virgil said and gently took his hand. Patton sniffed.

 _No_ Patton thought _He doesn’t._


	5. Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman's POV
> 
> Notes: descriptions of not being able to breathe, fainting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> Currently jamming out to a certain dramatic snake boy's playlist and thinking about how grateful I am for all of you! Thank you so much for reading/ commenting/ kudoing :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Logan was feather light in Roman’s arms. So much so that Roman had half a mind to shove a bagel in Logan’s mouth as soon as he woke up. Roman set Logan down on the couch and loosened his necktie. He pushed Logan’s hair back and noticed that, without his glasses and rigid tie, Logan seemed much younger. Less...strict. It wasn’t a bad look, but Roman knew that Logan would want his glasses when he woke up. He sighed and got up to get them from the floor of the kitchen when he heard a noise.

Logan was muttering something to himself. So quietly that Roman had to strain to hear it.

“Stupid, dumb, worthless, annoying,”

Roman reeled back. He knew enough about negative self-talk to recognize it quickly. He had been struggling with it himself for the past few days, but Virgil was helping him through it. Roman shook his head and put a strong hand on Logan’s shoulder. Logan’s eyes opened and he bolted up. For a moment, he blinked at his surroundings, then he winced horribly and put his head in his hands.

“Talk too much, stupid, shut up, shut _up,”_ he slurred and knocked a fist against his head. Roman jolted forwards to stop him from doing it again.

“Hey, hey, teach, let’s stop that ok? Can you look at me?”

Roman wasn’t sure what was going on, but Logan’s expression was making his heart tug in all sorts of directions. He looked up at Roman.

“There you are,” Roman said with a small smile which morphed into a frown, “Why are you saying those things?”

Logan shrugged, “ ‘S true. M’ bad, stupid, talk too much, stu-”

Roman stopped him, “Hey, _hey._ That is not true. You are not stupid, you’re our resident Brainiac! And you’ve gotten better about talking over others and rambling,”

Logan winced and Roman shut his mouth. Did he say something wrong?

“Don’t wanna tho,”

“What?” Roman asked confused and Logan gestured in his direction. Roman noticed that there was a constant stream of tears coming from Logan’s eyes.

“Don’t-don’t like it. Don’t want to filter. Want to talk about my interests, but don’t want to bore everyone. Everyone likes me better when I don’t say anything, but it makes me sad,” Logan’s eyes brightened for a moment before his shoulders started shaking.

Roman stared in shock. Had Logan always felt like this? What did Patton tell him to make him finally break down?

Roman took Logan’s hand and made small circles in it with his thumb. It was a trick that worked for Virgil and he hoped it worked for Logan too.

“You’re not boring, you’re brilliant. You’ve worked hard to listen to us, that’s all I meant, Lo,” Roman said, but Logan didn’t reply. His shoulders only shook harder and Roman noticed that he still had a haze of confusion in his eyes. Roman sighed. It seemed too soon to have another serious talk time since his one with Virgil earlier, but Logan needed it.

“I know what you mean though, I filter myself too. A lot,” Roman said and Logan looked up at him again, “I don’t want to say a lot of my ideas because I don’t want you all to say that they’re stupid or unoriginal or unworthy.”

“Re-really?” Logan asked, half in wonder. Roman nodded.

“It hurts to think you have to cut yourself off with your closest friends,” Roman said, realizing it as he spoke. He smiled at Logan, “I guess maybe we should both trust each other more and work hard to do it less?”

Logan stared at him for a moment before slowly nodding. His shoulders were still shaking, though, and the tears weren’t stopping.

“Thank, thank you Rom-Roman. I’m sorry you-,” Logan gasped and held his chest. Roman frowned with renewed concern. Crying wasn’t a bad thing, but the way Logan was doing it sounded almost painful. Logan had his head buried in the couch cushion and he suddenly looked up at Roman, his eyes bright with fear.

“Roman, I- I can’t,” he gasped again and a sob choked itself out of him, loud and agonizing. His eyes were squeezed shut, “Hurts, Roman, hurts, help,” he wheezed. Roman stared helplessly and grabbed his shoulders, he rubbed his back but it wasn’t doing anything. Patton and Virgil ran into the room.

“What’s wrong with him?!” Roman yelled, his voice pitched with a note of hysteria.

“Patton amplified his feelings!” Virgil yelled and Roman wanted to say that the vague answer was absolutely no help.

“What?!” he yelled instead and Virgil shook his head and said that he would explain later.

“He suddenly started sobbing, I, I don’t think he can control it?” Roman yelled again and looked back at Patton who looked like he was going to be the next to collapse. Virgil had a hand on Logan’s shoulder and looked at Patton.

“Can you stop whatever’s happening?” he asked and Patton shook his head desperately.

“I-no! I can’t take away emotions, I can only make them stronger!”

Virgil scuffed his hair in frustration. Logan let out a strangled scream and was pulling at his hair. He buried himself in Roman’s chest. Roman’s eyes lit up. He didn’t know what was going on, but-

“Well, can you make his happy emotions strong then?” he asked and Patton looked up with wide eyes.

“I, yes-but,”

“But what?! He needs help!”

“But forcing emotions on someone is wrong! I don’t want to do it again!!”  
“Make an exception!” Roman yelled back. He was aware that it was harsh, but he was too scared about Logan’s condition to hold himself back.

Virgil moved away from Logan and gently pushed Patton forward, “It’s ok, Pat, you can do it.”

Patton sucked in a breath and moved towards Logan. Logan brought his head up and, upon seeing Patton, flinched back and grabbed Roman’s shirt even harder.

“N-no! Don’t! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, don’t, please, don’t-!”

Patton’s legs buckled and Virgil caught him before he fell into the coffee table.

“I can’t do this. I can’t, he’s scared of me, I can’t!”

Patton had a hand over his mouth and Roman could see that he was stifling his own sob.

“You have to,” Virgil said sternly, but not unkindly. He looked up at Roman and Roman understood instantly. Roman stroked Logan’s hair and tilted his chin up to meet his eyes.

“Hey, remember what we talked about?”

Logan trembled and bunched his eyebrows together.

“We gotta trust each other, ok? Do you trust me?”

Patton had gotten up again after another supposed pep talk from Virgil. He made his way towards Logan and Logan gasped, but held Roman’s gaze. Roman gave him a slight nod. Patton put a hand on Logan’s chest and Logan shuddered. He leaned his face back into Roman’s shoulder and Patton closed his eyes.

Suddenly, Logan sat up rigidly. His eyes darted around the room and he let out a strangled noise.

“What-” Roman started and yelped when Logan crashed back down into the couch and knocked his head against Roman’s knee.

“YOU KILLED HIM!” Roman screamed.


	6. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's POV  
> (Deceit's real name is used)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!  
> Thank you so much for all your lovely kudos/comments and for reading :) Hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> (～￣▽￣)～

“YOU KILLED HIM!” Roman screamed and Virgil pinched the bridge of his nose. He cuffed Roman lightly on the back of the head and set Logan, who was still very much alive, more comfortably on the couch.

Patton was breathing harshly and Roman’s outburst didn’t help either.

“He’s not dead, you doof,” Virgil said, keeping his tone light and hoping that would help calm Patton down. He didn’t think he could deal with two unconscious friends. Virgil looked down at Logan, confused. “But, what happened?”

Patton had steadied his breathing, seemingly out of sheer will power, and spoke up. His voice came out as only squeak at first, but he cleared his throat and tried again, “It, I tried to amplify happiness. Maybe sadness to happiness was too extreme of a change?”

Virgil nodded. That made sense, Logan had seemed incredibly dizzy.

Roman took a few steadying breaths, got up, and walked to the kitchen. He came back with Logan’s glasses in tow and set them on the coffee table before looking up at Virgil and Patton.

“So, uh, what happened?” he asked. Patton had gone pale again and Virgil held his hand up and explained in his stead. Patton nodded gratefully and when Virgil was done explaining, Roman put a finger to his chin.

“Amplified emotions, huh? I mean, I know what we just saw, but that doesn’t necessarily sound like a bad thing?”

Patton shook his head, “Logan has had his emotions essentially dulled for so long, amplifying them out of the blue with no warning or,” he gulped hard, “consent, it’s too overwhelming. It would be for anyone, but especially so for Logan.”

Patton looked crushed and Virgil took his hand.

“Hey, it’s ok Pat,” he said and Patton shook his head vigorously, “yes it is. You messed up. We all mess up.”

“But _I_ shouldn’t!” Patton cried.

“And how exactly is that fair?” Roman asked. Logan had nuzzled closer to Roman and he had to hold back a smile at the action.

“Because I-” Patton spluttered for a moment, unable to finish the sentence. He settled for taking a sudden interest in the lamp at the corner of the room.

“It’s not,” Virgil finished for him, “It’s ok to make a mistake, Patton. You taught me that. What matters is how you move forwards. In this case that’s,” he glanced at the sleeping side, “how we fix Logic.”

Patton tapped his chin, he had thought of something and Virgil nudged him gently.

“Well. There is _one_ way that I can think of,” he looked up at the encouraging looks from Roman and Virgil, “We-uh, we can shock him back into his logical state. Present him with something so irrational, so untrue, that he’s almost forced to regain his more logical tendencies.”

Roman blinked at Patton. Now, Roman knew that Patton was smarter than he let on, but hearing the other side be so articulate was a bit jarring. Honestly, he didn’t really know what Patton meant, but Virgil seemed to have caught on because had cringed backwards, the expression giving him multiple chins.

“You can’t mean-” he started, but a small pop sounded off in the living room and a certain scaly side appeared, drumming his fingers against his sleeve.

“Hello, Virgil,” said a certain snake.

Virgil hissed and Janus rolled his eyes and took a seat across from Logan.

“Well, well, quite the busy day we’ve had huh? And it’s only still,” he glanced at an imaginary watch, his eyebrow twitching slightly, “9 AM. Wonderful. I _love_ being woken up against my will.”

Virgil seethed, “No one woke you up, snake.”

Janus shook his head, “No. Maybe not intentionally, but I’m quite sure that the entirety of the mind palace heard _someone’s_ yelling,” he said and raised an eyebrow at Patton who shrunk back. Virgil moved in between them, he looked ready to pounce.

“Down, kitty, I believe you need my help,” Janus said and Virgil hissed at him again.

“We don’t-” he started but Patton let out a sigh, so tired and forlorn that it made Virgil stop.

“We do,” Patton said and looked up at Janus hopefully. He explained what happened and Virgil noted that he sounded a bit numb this time. Janus nodded his head along with Patton’s explanation and looked down at Logan.

“Alright, now that you’ve heard what happened, you can leave,” Virgil sneered and Janus let out an exasperated sigh.

“You’re the ones who need _my_ help,” he said.

“Yeah, like you’re actually going to help.”

“I am.”

“That’s what I-wait what?” Virgil asked, taken aback. Roman also cast a suspicious glance at him.

“Why would you help? You’re evil!” Roman said.

If the statement hurt Janus in anyway, he didn’t show it. He just let out an annoyed sigh.

“I’m only as evil as Thomas can be, which isn’t very. Besides, I’m just as constrained as the rest of you.”

Roman frowned, eyes still in a distrusting squint, “Constrained? What do you mean?”

Janus waved his hands around vaguely, “You know. Limited? Unable to do things completely freely? Held back by Thomas’s strongest side?” he said, but he didn’t sound upset. In fact, he was starting to sound a bit confused. The other three just blinked at him.

“Wha- don’t tell me you don’t know,” Janus said and the others just blinked again. Janus spluttered for a moment before taking in a deep breath.

“We’re all limited,” he said and pointed to Patton, “by him.”


	7. Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey everyone!  
> This chapter was the reason I wrote this fic ;)
> 
> Hope everyone is staying safe and sane in the quarantine. My quarantine has personally been made up of baking and a LOT of fanfics lmao so thank you for reading/ commenting/ kudoing on THIS fanfic :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Virgil knew that Janus was full of bull, but this was just the cherry on top of his pile of dung.

“Alright,” Virgil growled, “You’re done helping. Your lies aren’t going to get us anywhere.”

But Janus shook his head. He looked genuinely confused and that expression infuriated Virgil.

“I’m not lying, Virgil,” he said and Virgil nearly pounced on him, “put away the claws, I’m telling the truth. Isn’t that right, Patton?”

Virgil rolled his eyes and looked at Patton, waiting for him to agree with Virgil about kicking the snake out. Virgil turned.

He stopped.

Patton, if possible, had gone even paler. He shook his head, “I-what, I don’t,” he looked up at Janus whose confused expression had turned to frustration.

“You really didn’t know? Come on!” he turned to Roman, “When Thomas had to pick between his dreams and his friends, who did he listen to?”

Roman spluttered a bit, “His, his heart, but I agreed to it! That doesn’t prove-”

But Janus wasn’t done. He turned to the unconscious Logan, “When logic told him to explore other avenues of income, who did he listen to?” he turned to Virgil.

“When everyone else was against Anxiety besides his heart, who. Did. He. Listen. To?” Janus shook his head, “When it comes down to it, Thomas will always, _always_ listen to his heart. Over all else. If you want any more proof, even their Hogwarts houses match!”

“You know about the Hogwarts video?” Roman asked and Virgil let out a groan.

“That’s-ok, say that by some minute, tiny, chance, you’re telling the truth. Why does it matter?”

Janus shook his head, “It doesn’t, really. Patton doesn’t use his influence very overtly,” he glanced at Logan, “well. Usually. Like Roman said, he’s quite the soft puffball.”

“Seriously, do you watch our videos?” Roman asked and Patton let out a breath.

“I. I didn’t know. I limit you all?”

“That’s preposterous!” Roman yelled, “Patton has always encouraged, never limited, my creative whimsy!”

Janus raised an eyebrow at him. “Ah, ah. That’s not true. In fact, you were so limited by Patton that you split into two parts.”

“I…that’s,” Roman swallowed, “oh.”

Virgil narrowed his eyes suspiciously, “How do you even know all this.”

Janus threw his hands up, “I know all of Thomas’s lies and therefore all his truths, but I thought you all knew! It’s rather obvious.”

Patton had his eyes squeezed shut and was rocking back and forth slightly. Virgil watched Janus’s expression morph into something that, if he didn’t know the snake, looked like sympathy. Janus sighed.

“Look, I didn’t tell you that to freak you out. I really did think you knew, but for now we have a more pressing matter to attend to,” he nodded at Logan and poked him in the face. Logan whined and pushed Janus’s gloved hand back. Janus poked him again and Logan got up abruptly, just missing Roman’s chin on his way up.

“Wha-” he started groggily and stared at Janus. Suddenly, his face erupted into a giant smile.

“Snakey!” he cheered and held Janus’s face it his hands. Janus jerked back in surprise and tried to wriggle out of his grip, but Logan held it fast, “I like snakes! Snakes have separate left and right jaw bones connected by a ligament to help swallow their larger pray!” he moved Janus’s chin from side to side and Janus managed to pull himself out of his grip. He rubbed his sore chin and Virgil snickered.

“I-really? That’s actually quite,” Janus blushed, “I mean well, I don’t have that so please refrain from grabbing my face again.”

Logan pouted, but only for a moment before catching Virgil’s eye.

“It’s Virgil!” he yelled and launched himself at Virgil. Virgil landed with an ‘oof’ onto the floor and he had to peel Logan off of him and set him into a sitting position at the foot of the couch.

“I, yep bud it’s me. How are you-”

“I like Virgil!” Logan interrupted, beaming, his smile was so bright that Virgil almost needed to shield his eyes. Logan’s eyes suddenly widened, “Whoa, there’s two Virgils!” he batted at the air, “More Virgils!”

Logan swayed a bit and Roman grabbed him before he pitched to the side. He put Logan back on the couch and Logan stared at Roman.

“Roman’s so strong!” he said in awe and Roman’s face went red. Logan poked at Roman’s bicep and Roman let out an embarrassed cough.

“How do we turn him back?” Roman asked, his ears turning red with the continued poking and gushing from Logan.

“I don’t know, this is actually kind of entertaining,” Virgil said with a smirk and Logan cheered.

“Yeah! Entertaining! I’m entertaining, watch me spin!” Logan sat up and was completely still for a moment, “Wasn’t that fun?” he said with a giggle and Roman shot Virgil a concerned look.

“Yeah, yeah Logan that was real cool of you,” Roman said and Logan giggled again.

“I’m cool! Roman said I’m cool. Cooler than cool. Just call me Kelvin because I am zero degrees, zero degree Kelvin, the Kelv-mesiter. Mister cooooool. Oh, oh, Mister Freeze! Like from Batman!” Logan tried to strike a pose, but he began to sway side to side and he fell backwards and landed on Janus’s lap. He looked up.

“I like snakes!” Logan said again and Virgil snorted as Janus’s human half began to turn as red as Roman’s sash, “Did you know albino snakes can still have some form of coloration?”

“Well, that’s because they have three forms of pigment creation,” Janus mumbled and everyone stopped.

Janus had a full on blush now, “What?! I like snakes too ok?”

“They’re cool!” Logan said in serious agreement and began singing, “Lipophores! Iridophores! Melanophoreeessss.”

Virgil probably could have watched the exchange for another couple of hours, but he sent a worried glance at Patton who hadn’t moved from his spot. He nudged Patton and Patton looked up.

“I, I didn’t know, I-. Maybe I should just go,” Patton started and got up. Virgil pushed him down gently with a shake of his head.

“You shouldn’t go, Patton. Logan needs you he-,”

“NO HE **DOESN’T! NONE OF YOU DO!”** Patton suddenly screamed and slapped a hand over his own mouth.

The other sides had all covered their ears at the booming voice that had suddenly filled the room. Logan, in particular, had stopped singing about…whatever he was singing about, and was huddled against the couch and clutching at Janus’s cape.

“I,” Patton looked horrified, “I’m sorry, I-”

Patton let his shoulders fall and began to sink out.


	8. Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI EVERYONE!  
> I loved reading your comments on the last chapter! I'm glad you all liked slap happy Logan as much I liked writing him, but now back to your regularly scheduled angst :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

“NO HE **DOESN’T! NONE OF YOU DO!** ” Patton screamed, but he stopped himself from going any further. The expressions of the other sides were pained at the booming voice that seemed to come unbidden from Patton’s mouth and Logan’s face was pinched in agony.

Patton was horrified, he couldn’t do this. He hurt them, he hurt his friends, his family. He was awful, they’d never forgive him, and they shouldn’t forgive him.

Patton heard himself try to apologize and he began to sink back into his room, but someone had caught his arm. Virgil was looking at him sternly, and Patton let out a small gasp when he saw tears in the other’s eyes. He ordered Patton to sit and Patton obeyed.

“You don’t get to run away from this Patton,” he said quietly and Patton held in a sob. Virgil was right. He was guilty, he had to face that. If his family was going to shun him, then he deserved to hear them out.

“Ah. I see the problem now,” Janus said and Patton couldn’t help but nod. He was the problem, it was obvious. Plain and simple.

“How long,” Roman started _how long have you been this horrible? How long have you believed that we could accept a monster like you? How-_ “Have you felt like this, Patton?” Roman finished.

That…wasn’t what Patton was expecting. He didn’t know how to answer so he just shrugged.

“You’ve been bottling up all these emotions of anger and loathing,” Janus said, his tone biting, “Of course it’s going to manifest into an incident like this,” he finished and gestured towards Logan who was still trembling. Patton felt his heart drop into his stomach.

How long had he been angry? How long had he had these ugly emotions? How long had he controlled the others without meaning to? Patton wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t fall. He almost laughed, even his own body wouldn’t give him the relief of crying. He didn’t deserve it. He was awful.

“You’re not awful,” Virgil said. Whoops, had Patton been talking out loud? Virgil crouched next to him and looked him in the eyes,“You are… the one person who accepted me without me having to prove myself,” Roman winced but Virgil gave him a small placating smile, “you’re the one who encourages us and gives us support, even if our ideas bounce right off of each other. So what if you’re the strongest side? That’s a _damn_ good thing.”

Roman nodded, “I can’t imagine any of us with that kind of influence.”

Even Janus joined in, “That’s right. Though we may sometimes be at odds, Thomas needs his heart to do anything. To be happy enough, motivated enough, to feel fulfillment. Though you could ease back and let him tell a few lies, I get bored easily,” he muttered at the end and Virgil fixed him with an icy stare.

Patton shook his head. They were being too nice. He didn’t _deserve_ their kind words, “You just don’t know how awful I am. I hurt Logan, and for a moment I-” Patton sucked in a breath, his next words made him want to throw up, “I _liked_ it! I liked that he was listening to me for once! I liked it and I was _hurting_ him! I’m disgusting.”

The tears, so reluctant to fall before, gathered quickly now, “I’m revolting, atrocious. You all should have nothing to do with me.”

The room was silent for a moment and Patton knew why. They had all heard his awful, ugly confession and they were sure, now, that he didn’t deserve them. He braced for their next words.

“Falsehood,” said a small voice.


	9. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holyyyyy smokes! Thank you so much for the overwhelming love and support on this fic!! I just- I'm so happy I ;-;
> 
> Anyways, hope you're all staying safe and that you enjoy the chapter!

Logan’s mind was blurry. He was distantly aware that he was singing about chromatophores for some reason and he was aware that it made him feel itty bitty butterflies in his heart and sunshine in his soul.

Logan looked around, he was surrounded by his friends and the sight made him smile widely. He was going to express his joy to the people around him, but suddenly he heard a boom. A voice that echoed in his head and gripped his heart in fear. Logan shrieked and tried to cover his ears, clutching at the material under his hands.

When the echoing stopped, he heard something, something that made absolutely no sense.

“I’m revolting, atrocious. You all should have nothing to do with me.”

Logan blinked and looked at the source of the voice.

It was Patton.

Patton, who was always forgiving towards all of them. Patton who always encouraged them. Patton who always considered the other’s feelings. Patton who he had criticized so harshly earlier.

The words Patton said made no sense. They were so completely illogical that it shook Logan out of his dizzy stupor. The events of the day sluggishly came back to him and Logan shivered at some of the memories and blinked in embarrassment as he recalled others. He shook his head. Now was not the time.

“Falsehood,” Logan said.

Patton had looked up at him in shock. Logan got up, stumbled a bit, but steadied himself and walked over to Patton.

“While I appreciate the use of vocabulary, you are absolutely none of those things,” Logan said.

“Logan?” Virgil asked and Logan nodded. Virgil looked at Janus.

“But, but, did you tell him a lie?” Virgil asked and Janus shook his head.

“No,” he glanced and pointed at Patton, “he did.”

Patton blinked and then shook his head, “It wasn’t a lie! I,” he looked at Logan, “I hurt you! You should hate me! You need to get away from me before I hurt you again!”

Logan shook his head, “Do you hate me?”

Patton blinked, “Wha- of course not, but-”

Logan interrupted, “By your logic, if someone hurts someone else, they should hate them. I hurt you earlier by insulting something you hold precious. So I’ll ask you again. Do you hate me?”

Patton stared, mystified, “It’s-it’s not the same.”

“Why not?”

Patton spluttered for a moment, “It- it just isn’t! You’re allowed to get mad! I’m supposed to be better!” Patton paled, “I- I didn’t mean that I’m better than you I just,” he turned in a small circle and sat back down.

“You are,” Logan said and continued when Patton gave him a confused look, “You _are_ better than me, Patton. At least when it comes to feelings. I, I never realized how tangible emotions could be,” Logan shivered a little, “How, despite not being physical, how present and truly impactful they could feel,” Logan knelt down to look Patton in the eyes, “So why should you hold yourself back from your emotions when you’re the one who feels them the strongest?”

Patton stared, slack-faced and still for a moment. And then, as if being drawn in frame by frame, his bottom lip quivered, the corners of his eyes twitched, his brows furrowed and he blinked hard, too hard.

And with that, Patton broke.

He let out a sob, flung himself at Logan, and buried his face in his shoulder.

“I-I-I’m so, sorr-sorry. I'm so sorry Logan, I’m sorry,” he cried. Logan hesitated, but only for a moment.

“I’m sorry too,” Logan said, hugging him back.

And if Logan started crying too, no one said a thing about it.


	10. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan's POV

“So, you think Roman is super strong, huh?” Virgil said with a smirk and Logan groaned.

“ _Please_ stop.”

It was the next morning. Thomas had finally decided to go to work and the sides were at the kitchen table eating lunch.

“Why don’t you do a spin for us, Mr. Freeze?” followed Janus who was, for some reason, joining them for lunch. No one seemed to mind, though Virgil was sitting at the very opposite end of the table. Logan plopped his head on the table and Roman coughed.

“Alright that’s quite enough teasing,” he said and Logan looked up gratefully. He didn’t like being treated as a joke, but his behavior yesterday had been rather embarrassing. Logan supposed that he could withstand a few rounds of teasing. Patton had gone to get some water and was walking back to the table.

“I should have gotten a video,” Virgil mumbled and Patton gave a short laugh.

“He was kind of adorable wasn’t he?”

Logan blushed, “I-I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“You’re not!” cheered Virgil and Roman at the same time and Logan rolled his eyes and then locked eyes with Patton. After they had cried, the five of them sat in the living room and talked for hours. About how Patton felt with being too strict with Thomas. About Logan’s fears and insecurities that bubbled out because of what Patton had done. Eventually, someone had put on a movie, but Logan had fallen asleep before he even noticed something was playing on the TV. Yesterday had been exhausting, he had been emotionally drained but satisfied.

“Thank you, Patton,” he said suddenly and Patton cocked his head, “I noticed that Thomas is going to work and feeling a bit better. I can only assume that this is your doing?”

Patton blinked for a moment before shaking his head, “I may have given him the motivation, but he was anxious about not going to work because he may miss out on his dreams, plus he knew that he needed to work to get money and lead a healthy life,” he smiled at Logan, “And when people ask him what he did for the past three days, he may not be able to tell them the whole truth. After all, saying that he skipped work so that he could eat pizza and ice cream may not come off as great,” he eyed Janus who stared back in shock.

“All of us influence Thomas’s decisions and sure, I may play a big part in them, but you all do too. If you ever feel like your limiting yourselves because of me, please let me know. I- I don’t want to-,” he started, but was tackled by a certain Prince.

“I told you all that he’s a soft puffball! No worries Padre! We’ll let you know what’s going on with us as long as you agree to let us know when something’s going on with you.”

Patton gave him a small nod and Virgil rolled his eyes and pulled Janus with him.

“I- Virgil?”

“C’mon, we’re doing the thing.”

“The thing?”  
Virgil groaned, “The group hug thing. Let’s go snake boy.”

Janus yelped when Virgil pulled him again and Patton cheered and let himself be given a rare Virgil hug. Logan stared for a moment and Virgil looked back at him.

“We’re waiting on you, L.”

Logan blinked. He could feel an emotion well up inside him, so strongly that he almost thought that Patton had amplified his emotions again. But when he joined the hug, he knew that wasn’t the case. He chastised himself internally and smiled wider than he thought he was able to before.

Love was never stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Gosh, eight thousand something words later and I still don't know how to write just how much I appreciate all of you. Thank you so much for all your support. For reading, commenting, kudoing and encouraging me to keep writing!
> 
> On that note (Y'all know what's coming, warning for a shameless self plug): Did the latest Sanders Sides video SVSR leave you hopelessly crushed? Are all the unanswered questions about Roman's mental state maybe keeping you up at night (because same lol)? If so, check out my next fic: Monsters of the Subconscious !
> 
> Again, thank you for reading this fic! Hope you enjoyed it, until next time! :)


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